The Love Gap by Jenna Birch

Author:Jenna Birch
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2018-01-23T05:00:00+00:00

Equal Marriages and Sortin’ Off

With the dawn of app dating, we’ve seen the rise of an interesting phenomenon: assortative mating. More often today than in the past, we’re seeing a marriage of equals. As a 2016 article in the New York Times explains, “Assortative mating is the idea that people marry people like themselves, with similar education and earnings potential and the values and lifestyle that come with them… People are now more likely to marry people with similar educational attainment—even after controlling for differences between men and women, like the fact that women were once less likely to attend college.”3

Husbands are still earning more than their wives on average, but that gap is shrinking. According to the NYT’s evaluation of recent Census Bureau data, wives make 78 percent of their husbands’ salaries—up from 52 percent back in the ’70s. For opposite-sex couples where both partners work some of the time, women bring in more than their husbands 29 percent of the time, up from 23 percent in the ’90s and 18 percent in the ’80s.4 The pay gap between husband and wife is closing with each passing year.5

Assortative mating is on the rise for a number of reasons. Dating apps support pairing off with someone similar to yourself in looks, education, background, and interests. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Entering into a relationship with someone who is similar to you in important ways often throws a magical veil of positivity over your bond.

You each think your significant other is pretty hot. You were educated in similar settings, and likely have similar interests as a result. You come from the same socioeconomic background and likely make similar incomes—so it doesn’t feel like one person is pulling all the weight early on, and you can jointly decide how to make your careers coexist as the relationship progresses. You probably “get” each other.

There is also a feeling of mutual regard within the relationship. Each partner feels like they bring a lot to the table. No one is a dependent. It’s love formed and maintained by choice, not obligation, societal expectation, or necessity. Basically, both people feel really freaking happy to have found each other.

From the outside, assortative mating seems to be the antisettling. Just pick someone exactly like yourself and, voilà, you can stop reading here. But when put into practice, it isn’t that simple, because obviously there are some bigger issues at play here:

• You need to find a person whose personality and life goals mesh well with yours.

• You need to find a partner who is ready to be in an honest relationship.

• You may have misjudged a partner who was not right for you in the past.

• Our generation, on the whole, is delaying marriage.

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